Relationships

Last night, at a 40th Anniversary tour of America concert, I saw an old friend. It was a great thing talking and catching up...remembering a shared past, and catching up on life. For me, friendships don't go away, nor even really fade. I'm not sure if it's like that for others. Because I spent so much time seeing friends leave when I was younger, I think I became adept at putting friendships in a "stasis" of a sorts...when they came back, I picked up where I left off.

This has both some good points and bad...the good side of it is, once a friend, always a friend...and years can evaporate like mist if I meet a friend that I haven't seen, even if it's been years. The bad part is that I probably tend to neglect friends more than I should. Out of sight, out of contact (not out of mind, but I don't make a lot of effort to contact people until they are back "in sight" again.) This probably leads to the loss of what could be some very good times from afar (through writing or phoning or whatever). Another bad part to this is that I can distance friends from my life (particularly hardships), without much trouble.

The Internet has modified this somewhat, social websites, like Facebook allow us to keep in touch, but, my difficulty with this is that it is often surface contact; much ado about nothing at times. I generally tend to long for long talks, or just laughter and fun, but in either case, that can be hard to do on line (unless you write novelesque entries to each other, which, like tending blogs, could be very time consuming.)

But, that may be the point of good relationships. Spending time on each other, being involved in each others lives. I think the best of friends are the hardest to come by, and are few and far between. We see something of ourselves, and something different and are attracted to both things.

In even more central relationships, like marriage, I think friendship is often sacrificed at the alter of time, of expedience, of too much familiarity. We hope our spouse will be our "kindred spirit" but then, instead of nurturing the relationship, we tend to abandon it in our too full lives. How much do we lose here? My guess is, a lot. If our expectations of normal friends can be high, then our expectations of our spouses can be overwhelming, and, perhaps, impossible. I see many couples around my age having immense difficulty, and many losing their marriages because they've lost each other.

I have many friends, and even some very close friends. I also have friendships that I have allowed to languish, and I've not done a great job all the time of being the friend of my wife. The best friendships, the best relationships, need to be tended regularly, like gardens. Only then can they bloom.

I hope I can learn to value my relationships better, and to give them the attention they deserve.